Even if you really do need to talk, this isn't a great way to start things off. "It always means that there is going to be a difficult conversation, and it's probably not going to go well," says Jill Murray, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and author. "The fear of the unknown and the accompanying dread makes it worse."
2. "You should know how I'm feeling."
No matter how well your spouse knows you, they probably can't guess your exact emotions. "Humans aren't natural mind readers," notes David Bennett, a certified counselor and relationship expert. As Bennett explains, most people can't actually tell what someone is feeling if they're not told, even if that person is their spouse.
"In the midst of something tense, the word 'relax' from your spouse only ramps things up," says Mitzi Bockmann, a certified life coach. Heed her advice and avoid this directive at all costs.
4. "You talk too much."
Dismissing your spouse as a chatterbox when they're animated about something is a backhanded way of breaking down communication. It's completely reasonable to expect to say your piece, but it's never a good idea to tell your spouse that they have to zip it for you do to so.
5. "You're just like my ex."
Comparing your spouse to a past lover can be hurtful, even if they're not usually competitive or jealous. "Most times in life, comparisons are unhelpful to us psychologically," explains Alex Hedger, a cognitive behavioral therapist and the clinical director of Dynamic You Therapy Clinics. "Comparing a partner to a previous partner often causes fear and resentment. It can also prevent the partner who is making the comparison from experiencing their current relationship fully."
即便從另一半的通常表現看，他/她并不好勝或嫉妒，但將他/她和前任作比較則十分傷人。"生命中的大多數時候，對比不利于我們的心理健康，"認知行為治療師兼動態自我治療診所（Dynamic You Therapy Clinics）的臨床主任亞歷克斯·海杰（Alex Hedger）解釋道。"將另一半和前任作比較通常會帶來恐懼和憎恨。而作比較的一方也會受到影響，無法全身心地投入這段戀情。"